So, let’s get this out of the way to begin with, since I know how this goes. I’m 46, recently divorced, 5’6″, shoulder length brown hair, 130 soaking wet, with a good portion of that in my breasts (hence the name, The1WithBigTits). Anyway, I have an old friend from college, Lindsey, who had asked if I could help her out. Her son, Danny, has been going to college near where I live, and had been evicted from his apartment for some reason. Since I got the house in the split (and almost everything else, downside to being cliché and knocking up the secretary), and my kids are out of the house, I figured it’d be nice to have some company. I had this memory of Danny from a while ago as, well, a scrawny little kid, so you can imagine my surprise when this not so scrawny college kid shows up to stay in the guest house. Things go well to begin with, he’s a good tenant, pays the token amount in rent on time, and helps out around the house if I need it.

The reason I’m here is, well, there are 2 reasons. The other day a pipe or something burst in the guest house, so he’s been using the shower in the main house. The first day, I guess he just walks around naked for a while after a shower, and he left his clean clothes in the guest house, so he just walked back out naked. The path to the backyard goes through the kitchen, where I happen to be, and I managed to catch him. I would say I “caught an eyeful”, but there’s a good chance he could put an eye out with that thing. Along with his formidable appendage, he was in surprisingly good shape. I guess he manages to hide it with his plain clothes, and some industrial tape or something, because that seems like it’d get in the way when walking. Are they putting something in the water nowadays or something?

The other reason, and the reason I made this account (used to just lurk, but a friend said this would be easier than having to remember all the slutty subreddits and type them all out each time I want to masturbate) was what happened last night. I went out with some friends to celebrate being single again (they’re mostly still married, so it was just a lot of drinks), and when I got home I noticed some music coming from the backyard. Being reasonably inebriated (don’t worry, didn’t drink & drive, uber’d back), I decided to check out this mysterious tune coming from the backyard. Turns out it wasn’t coming from the backyard, but the guesthouse. Apparently Danny uses it to cover up, from what I could hear, him and some poor girl who’s going to need a wheelchair in the morning. I put my ear up to the door and heard this girl practically screaming for him to go harder, choke her, spank her, and in my intoxicated state I started rubbing myself. I quickly came to my senses and went inside as quietly as I could, and went straight for one of my toys.

I passed out on top of my sheets, still wearing the dress from last night, looking like a mess, with one of my toys between my legs. So I got up, had some coffee, and went to see if Danny and his friend were still back there, but they both had left already. Now whenever I think of him, I think of me becoming that girl who he sends into orbit, at least I wouldn’t have to walk far to get home…