Darci and Kane had worked together for nearly 5 years. They’d navigated many late nights and countless projects. They’d often shared the spotlight of leadership and their families became extensions of one another, growing very close. As they were working late, something that was becoming rather typical and necessary with the new company merger, Kane couldn’t help but confess his dark secret to Darci. He could no longer hide how connected he felt to her, seeing her much more than a sister or best friend. He saw her as a woman he wanted, no, needed to have and to possess. However, he shared with her the worst part of that secret and was not sure what to expect from her in return…..

K: You know, loving my wife does make me feel bad for the good times we have together, for being sexually attracted to you, for liking to be somehow cared for and maybe even desired by you…. Honestly, most days, I hope it is the same for you. Though, you are probably a better person than I.
Much to his surprise, she shared her own yearnings for him. Though he quickly realized she possessed expertise in putting him at ease and even more ability to seduce him further than he anticipated.

D: I always feel guilty for wanting things from others I know they aren’t capable of giving. But they are, oftentimes, feelings we can’t control. What, if I see an attractive human should I damn myself to hell because I think things beyond their being attractive? No, I’m human. Desires aren’t black and white; Neither is love.

I don’t think one consciously chooses to feel connected to another human being. It happens without our consent, funny since we push the concept so heavily in any other situation concerning sex.
Not that things shouldn’t be done with consent generally speaking, but our own minds and bodies often don’t even afford us such a right. Don’t you find that ironic?

But I don’t want to be your wife….

Might I want to be special and important to you, sure, but I don’t want to replace her. Might I want you to occasionally think about me even while you’re fucking her, sure, because that’s devilish fun. But, ultimately, she is yours and you are hers and I would not want to ruin that.

I won’t lie, I find a deep pleasure in being able to provide transport to certain desires she never could and I find a deep pleasure in pursuing a man I have no business pursuing because of his committed status, but my roguish bone only extends so far as you’ll allow.

So what will it be? Will you give in to the desire your body pushes you to believe you need through sheer human nature? Or, will your mind over matter, conscious engagement with the black and white parameters we so stringently place upon ourselves control you until you no longer recognize the man staring back? Will you allow the voices of the self righteous, who mind you, have the same fantasies as you, dictate the pleasures you are allowed to indulge?

I’m not sure what’s worse, a man who would partake in the fruit or a man who wishes he had and then casts judgement on everyone else who actually does. For what sins are different? Furthermore, who are we to determine what is a sin? Why then are we allowed to merely taste these emotions and these sensations and yet not get drunk on them?

In those moments he was certain she was going to work tirelessly to deter him from wanting her. Instead, he became acquainted with a swift and strong need to have her more than he thought possible and definitely more than he did before his confession. She affirmed in him the things, until now, he had seen as demons waiting to escort him into the licking flames of hell.

C. Stephens